Tolerance
by Julie R. Enszer
We have beautiful photographs
from our wedding;
small intimate ones—
our banded fingers,
looking into each others eyes
just before the ceremony,
cupcakes and flowers—
and large celebratory ones—
the New York Skyline,
a panorama of guests
witnessing our vows—
but the one I return to,
the one we never had developed,
is of my mother
alone on a low chair
she looks slightly ill
she looks like she is about to cry.
This is the mother I remember
She hated that I am a lesbian
but loved how tolerant she became.
In her last years, she said,
See, Julie, I can tolerate
these perversions
I still give you money
I give you presents
it is not so bad.
Some days, I look at that photograph
and whisper
I didn’t kill you
as you said I would
and even though you wished
me dead
you didn’t kill me either.
When I feel bold, confident,
I whisper to my dead mother:
She still loves me.
Kim, my Kim still loves me.
Everything you told me
was not true.
Julie R. Enszer, PhD, is a scholar and a poet. She is the author of Sisterhood (Sibling Rivalry Press, 2013) and Handmade Love (A Midsummer Night’s Press, 2010). She is editor of Milk & Honey: A Celebration of Jewish Lesbian Poetry (A Midsummer Night’s Press, 2011). Milk & Honey was a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in Lesbian Poetry. She has her MFA and PhD from the University of Maryland. She is the editor of Sinister Wisdom, a multicultural lesbian literary and art journal, and a regular book reviewer for the Lambda Book Report and Calyx. You can read more of her work at www.JulieREnszer.com.